When I first put up this website (then named The Real Vampires Home Page) in 1997, I included a bio explaining a bit about my background and how I came to create the site. When I did the first major revision a year later (renaming the site Living Vampires) I omitted the bio. I was so surprised by the attention my website was getting, I felt a little over-exposed, and I never liked talking about "my credentials." But it's only fair to let my readers know something about my background. Anyone who makes statements as extraordinary as some of those on this site has an obligation to explain the experiences, training and education that support those points of view, insofar as they can be externally supported.

Just for general context, I was born on Midsummer's Eve of 1956. My ethnic heritage is Northern European, and I live in New England. I have a B.A. in English literature (minor in Physics) from Framingham State College (1978), and an M.Div degree from Harvard University (1998). I'm a member of Mensa and an initiated Witch. I self-identify as a vampiric person, specifically the category I have named Gwaetgar in these articles.

I've been studying and practicing almost everything paranormal and magickal for as long as I can remember. I was a voracious reader at an early age, and I began studying astrology, the Tarot, the I Ching, traditional Witchcraft and magickal theory and history before I entered high school. By my senior year of high school I had written several long research papers on magick and witchcraft in history and literature, and was casting astrological charts. I was networking informally with a few other interested people and was designing and performing involved magickal rituals, some of which had rather alarming results. (The ritual in which I helped a friend invoke Isis--into the room with us--was definitely memorable. I wasn't ready for that one.) In 1976 I read Hans Holzer's The New Pagans and self-identified as a Neo-Pagan.

My vampire studies evolved along with all these related interests; by the time I was 14 I had read Montague Summers' The Vampire in Europe, and almost all the classic vampire fiction except Varney the Vampyre (of which I'd read excerpts). By the time I finished college I had acquired and read Leonard Wolf's A Dream of Dracula and Anthony Masters' A Natural History of the Vampire, and was familiar with nearly all the vampire-related films and books to that date. I'd also read what Dion Fortune (in Psychic Self-Defense), Anton LaVey (in The Satanic Bible) Nandor Fodor (in Between Two Worlds) and a few other occult writers had to say about "psychic vampires." I was completely absorbed in the subject of vampires, researching every aspect of it everywhere I could. But despite my enthusiasm, I was highly critical of all vampire fiction and media because as far as I was concerned, "no one got it right." Finding out what just exactly what was "right" and why became an obsession with me.

As I deepened my studies into all branches of what's called "Fortean phenomena"--ufology, parapsychology, "monster" flaps and cryptozoology, unexplained events, human anomalies, and much else, including vampirology--I began seeing parallels and connections among these apparently very different fields. Soon I discovered other researchers and writers, such as John Keel and Jacques Vallee, who were observing the same similarities, particularly among vampires, ufos and fairy lore.

I had always known I wasn't a human being--but I couldn't explain how I knew, or exactly what I was, if not human. I explored different possibilities, but I had no one to talk to about my feelings, and for the most part, I kept them to myself. I "awakened" when I was 14--that was the age at which I first discovered the effect that blood could have on me, first was recognized for what I was by another person, and first started to seriously consider all the implications myself. In the environment I grew up in, I didn't have many opportunities to explore this further for some time, but it became a focal point of my attention.

During the 1970's, I became involved with the nascent "Aquarian" movement. I took a class in advanced astrology topics that spun off a weekly informal discussion group that sustained itself for over a year. I studied psychic development techniques with a psychic and teacher in Concord, Massachusetts named Nancy McPhee. I was a regular attendee of the weekly Psi Symposium group at the First Parish Unitarian-Universalist Church of Concord, as well as a weekly lecture series at Unicorn Books in Lexington. During these years, I learned hatha and siddha yoga, some basic martial arts, basic hypnotism techniques, and a great deal about alternative medicine, alternative nutritional theories, Spiritualism, the Findhorn community, communicating with devas and earth spirits, aura reading and energy systems, how to manipulate and use chakra energy, how to use guided meditations, past-life regression, even what it feels like to be (in a non-Christian sense) "slain in the spirit." I became certified in basic Touch for Health, a technique similar to acupressure that utilizes the same Qi points and meridians taught in Chinese medicine.

I heard about Stephen Kaplan's Vampire Research Center in the late 1970's, and I ordered and read Vampires Are as soon as it was published in 1984. Leonard Wolf talked about interviewing self-identified real vampires, too. By the mid-1970's, I was strongly identifying with their ideas, and increasingly, my magickal work and researches veered in this direction. Always naturally nocturnal, I worked evening or overnight jobs almost exclusively. I was never a "lifestyler," however, aside from doing everything I could to maintain a nocturnal routine. I had heard of the "vampire scene" but I thought it existed only in big cities like New York. I didn't have or affect a stereotypical "vampire look." I was occasionally "spotted" as a Witch or Pagan (and once was asked if I was "a Deadhead") but never as a vampire--at least not by people who were willing to say so to my face. I did get an occasional piece of unexpected feedback from psychically sensitive people. I was once told I had "a black aura," and on another occasion a reader at a psychic fair handed my money back and refused to do the reading. Often people reacted negatively to me for no apparent reason, but their rationalizations for their reactions were contradictory.

In 1982, I began working with a magickal group that later became the Glainn Sidhr Order, which maintained a Pagan network called The EarthSpirit Community. I spent ten years with EarthSpirit, during which time I served on its Board of Directors and on the Council of Elders of the Glainn Sidhr Order. I was initiated in 1984. I assisted with many of the gatherings and open circles that EarthSpirit organized, edited the EarthSpirit Community Newsletter for a period of time, served as Circulation Manager and contributing writer for FireHeart magazine, and facilitated a coven. I attended numerous gatherings held by other Pagan networks around the United States and was a member, through EarthSpirit, of the national Witchcraft organization Covenant of the Goddess. I was interviewed several times by local newspapers, and openly identified myself as a Witch and Pagan, allowing my real name and photograph to be published. I also appeared, with other members of EarthSpirit, in the Time-Life book Witches and Witchcraft. I contributed to Margo Adler's 1986 revision of Drawing Down the Moon and to several other academic books about the Pagan movement, including Never Again the Burning Times by Loretta Orion and A Community of Witches by Helen A. Berger.

It was my magickal work with Glainn Sidhr that finally forced me to face the truth about myself and vampirism. The intensive confrontational and self-challenging work of the group left me no choice but to fully accept what I was. I realized that it didn't matter what anyone else believed, all that mattered was that I knew the truth. I might not understand all the explanations, but I was clear on the basic fact. For me, it was a revelatory experience--one that brought my entire life for the past thirty years into clear perspective. Getting to that point, unfortunately, was stressful for all concerned. My covenmates were exasperated with me. "Yes, we've always known you're a vampire," they said, "Now get some therapy, you're driving us insane!"

Well, I didn't get therapy--I went public. Having found a tremendous release in total self-acceptance, I did what people often do after such an inner reconciliation: I tried to share it with those who were close to me, and to help educate the public. I had some weird idea that I could start to do for real vampires what I was already doing for Witches and Pagans. During the late 1980's, I "came out" to a number of people, and I contributed to Norine Dresser's research for her book, American Vampires: Fans, Victims, Practitioners. My magickal work and researches turned toward the practical problems of vampiric needs and liabilities, using all the training and experience of my life to date, and toward figuring out just exactly what vampires existed for. Then, in 1987, one of my most sympathetic covenmates, Myrriah, asked me to write an article about my vampire studies for the second issue of EarthSpirit's ambitious new magazine, FireHeart, which Myrriah was editing. She thought people would be interested by what I'd been talking about in group. FireHeart No. 2 had a press run of 2,000, and I didn't really think my article, "Real Vampires," would make much of a splash. In 1987, I didn't anticipate the Internet.

In September of 1992, I parted ways with EarthSpirit and the Glainn Sidhr Order. I felt that our magickal paths were diverging--mine more than theirs--and that I was being called in a direction too different from that of the group to allow me to continue with them in good conscience.

At about that same time, I agreed to pick up a class on Meditation for Acton-Boxborough Community Education when its instructor became ill. The class was so successful I taught it several more times, along with classes in Meditation for Self-Healing, Psychic Development, and even Practical Magic-Working. I began doing Tarot counseling professionally. For a time I facilitated a "proto-nest" in affiliation with the Pagan organization Church of All Worlds, but its membership remained small and it never developed as I hoped it would. An old friend from the Pagan Community asked if I would do some guest services as a Pagan speaker for her Unitarian-Universalist church in a nearby town. I agreed, and became a regular speaker, then a member of the "ministry team" for the church, usually speaking on Pagan themes at the major Pagan holidays.

Before late 1994, I had extremely limited access to a few BBS's and usenet groups via TelNet. I finally got online for real with a little Epson 386 laptop and AOL, for which I had to pay a per-minute connect fee. The first thing I did online was hunt down every vampire-related e-mail group I could find, which did not include any for "real vampires." (I didn't know about the AOL chatrooms that Sanguinarius was involved with, and I didn't do any chatrooms, or much websurfing, with my glacial connection speed and per-minute charges.) However, I was cheerfully announcing myself as a real vampire, taking the flak, and answering curious e-mail from dozens, then scores of people, a few of whom also defined themselves as real (blood drinking) vampires.

In 1995, after several years of guest-preaching in Unitarian-Universalist churches, I decided to apply to Harvard Divinity School as a Neo-Pagan with the idea of being formally trained for a Pagan ministry. After three years of full-time coursework, two internships, and writing a thesis, I received an M.Div degree in 1998.

I continued to deepen my vampire studies and expand my library of academic vampirology books. Harvard University made a wealth of obscure and rare texts and periodicals available to me, some of which can now be found in my Rare Articles Archive. I even managed to sneak my vampire interest into my coursework. My research paper on the Greek vrykolakas was written for a Harvard seminar, and I also wrote papers on Biblical verses about blood taboos and legal cases involving religious animal sacrifice.

But during the time I was in graduate school, three other things happened that completely changed my planned course for the next eight years. EarthSpirit republished my article, "Real Vampires," on its website; I put up my first website; and I took a job with a battered women's shelter, where I ended up staying longer than I expected. Through my job, I became a certified domestic violence counselor, was cross-trained in mental health and substance abuse issues, and got lots and lots of up-close hands-on experience with mental illness, trauma counseling, substance abuse, homelessness, crisis intervention and the funding and management of non-profit organizations. I also taught training modules in Suicide Intervention and Religious Diversity, and contributed heavily to the suicide intervention training module for the statewide domestic violence advocacy network, Jane Doe Inc. The shelter job was a great learning experience--as they say--but I admit to being very relieved when I was able to leave it behind and launch my own business. Ten years in direct-care human services is a long time.

I didn't give the matter much thought when I got the e-mail from former covenmate Moira, who was managing the new EarthSpirit website, asking my permission to reprint "Real Vampires." Without hesitation, I said, sure--just use my current name and put my e-mail address on it, so people can e-mail me if they have any questions. If I had had the slightest inkling of what would happen when that article went online, I might have asked Moira if I could revise it first, at the very least. By late summer, I was so overwhelmed with e-mail from the article that I knew I had to create some kind of response besides attempting to reply individually, which I was utterly failing to do. By now I had changed ISP's twice, and had a service that included a free webpage and no per-minute fees. I was also a starving grad student who could barely afford groceries, but I scraped together enough money to upgrade my computer equipment, and I picked up enough HTML to go on with over a weekend. On August 29, 1997, I launched the Real Vampires Home Page, whose title was meant to reflect that it was an expansion of the article. But here's the real joke: I fondly imagined that the new website would be the solution to the flood of inquiries and demands for information I was getting. Silly, silly me! Now I was reaching ten times as many curious general readers. If the e-mail from "Real Vampires" came in ceaseless waves, I had just launched a tsunami. Along with that, I was now in full view of other self-identified real vampires, who by no means had all traveled down the same path to that self-identification as I had. I began to hear from them, as well.

I didn't start to participate in the online Vampiric Community in earnest until 1998, for a very mundane reason: in June of 1998 I got a new computer, and a whole new era opened up for me. The story of my subsequent (mis)adventures may be found in Communing with Vampires.

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